Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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