Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
