Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
