Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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