You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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