i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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