Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
