He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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