I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
