I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
