So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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