just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
