ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
