that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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