They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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