The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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