I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
