I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
