did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize