i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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