new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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