so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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