Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
