and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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