hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think my vagina is haunted
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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