I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
