i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
