the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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