Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
