are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need water and some morals
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
