so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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