yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
