Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
