This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
