Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
