At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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