Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
