Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
