PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
