wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
