My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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