nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
