I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
