It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
