____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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