Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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