i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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