i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
