A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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