I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize