Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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