I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
the raccoons are back...
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