I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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