feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
