once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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