Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
