no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize