one might say we're banned from that church
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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