I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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