when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
