I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Crop dusting thru forever 21
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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