Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
