No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
high people should be assigned attendants
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
