Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Less talking, more tequila
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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